So, first my most humble apologies. I’m 10 days late on posting. Things have been CRAZY over here in Manila. The goverment here doesn’t take two kindly to dirty pornographers. The agency that investigates whether or not people with internet companies are in fact doing porn has agents on the take. Last week another company that we know people at got raided. Turned out to be a shake-down for bribe money. With a successful shake-down our fear is that we’d be the next target. It’s infuriating since what we do is not illegal here. It’s all about some crooked agents making a buck. So I’ve been caught up in meetings with lawyers and planning our strategy and the like.
Also, to make things even better, I’ve been sick as fuck. My buddy Ryan managed to get some type of intestinal flu thing. At first we thought food poisoning but it lasted for five days. Since I’ve got the only TV in the apartment, he hung out in my bedroom while he was sick. I’d come home and he’d be under the covers in my bed watching TV. Sick guy spending hours hanging out in your room. What’s that leave you? You getting sick. On the plus side, he did manage to snap a pic of one of the FIFTY plus times he dropped some Hershey Squirt action:
So as I picked up this lovely case of Philippino Creeping Crud I didn’t manage to get pix of the first few blow-outs. I was at the office one day and in a shopping mall the next. Things settled down and my sickness gave up on my ass and concentrated on my head and nose. I felt like I was walking around with 20 pounds of snot in my head. The moment I was starting to feel somewhat close to human again, my gf dragged me to the gym.
I knew it was a bad idea. She’s on this whole work out five days a week kick. I worked out for a solid hour. Then we went to T.G.I.Fridays for a taste of Americana. I grubbed like I hadn’t eaten good American food for two weeks. Of course, this was the case. I had a round of greasy, fried appetizers, a huge bacon cheeseburger, and a side of onion rings. We walked home.
About ten paces from the restaurant, I knew I was in big trouble. My typical parade of ass-gas had ceased to be replaced with deep rumbling and cramps from my intestines. It’s a fifteen minute walk back to the apartment. I make it in seven minutes. I burst into the upstairs bathroom and flew to the bathroom. I didn’t even notice “Typhoid Mary” Ryan snuggling under the covers in my bed. As I’m ripping my workout pants down to release the demon from my ass I realized that of course I’d tied the string on my wasteband for the first time. Why not? It was the first time I’d every used my work out pants for working out! This was my undoing.
I was pretty confident that I’d made it. As my ass descended toward the seat, the shit was already flowing, but my clothing was out of the way. I was on the throne vomiting out my sphincter for a good ten minutes before Sheyla caught up and popped her head into the bathroom to notify me I’d stunk up the entire bedroom. I explained she should give me credit as I barely made it onto the can before exploding. Take a peak:
Yes, truly horrible. But do you notice the seat? The lovely brown splat? Looks like I did NOT make it in time. To my horror as I’m taking the photo above I feel liquid anal toxic waste dripping off my ass cheek. It was bad, very bad:
So yes, I soiled myself. I made a mess of the toilet. Frankly, it had been a shitty ten days and this was the perfect culmination.
