It’s Monday and I’m feeling slightly guilty for taking so long to post. DailyDumps.com kinda implies daily posts. But, believe it or not a guy that bothers to put up a blog of his poop production does in fact have a life. Thus, I’m posting the weekend’s anal adventures on Monday.

So Friday night I was in the middle of making this very post before the doorbell rang. My gf’s friend had come into town from Los Angeles and brought a couple of her friends with her. One very cool, and quite attractive woman and one dude. While I would have preferred two ladies, the guy turned out to be cool to hang out with. Dave’s from England and a musician. While drinking and shooting the shit (heh) about this site he came up with the brilliant idea of starting www.pornstardumps.com since I work in the adult industry and know quite a few of the female “actresses”. Someday I’ll get that going.

So I wound up ignoring my post, drinking heavily with friends, and generally enjoying myself. The dump for this post had a bit of split personality disorder as I’ve filed it under Fluffy Dumps and Soft Serve Dumps. Bit of both.

And here we have our first example of the Machine Gun Dump! They rapid fire rattle out of your ass and threaten to shake you off the seat!

This particular example came into existence around 2AM this morning and was DAMN near a Shart (think it’s a fart, but it’s shit). I was in bed ripping the most horrific of bowl bombs. The gf was ready to slit my throat! I figured best bet was to give it a solid grunt and push all the farts out in one massive rush. If I was lucky, she’s pass out from the mega-funk and stop whining so I could go to sleep. I swear I think I popped a blood vessel in my head from the strain. No luck. So I tried to “walk it out” with a stroll around the bedroom. It took one more massive lamaze class inspired push for me to realize there was more than gas at the pump.

To the throne I went and out these came. Of course I still wanted to “share the joy” with my gf so I used the downstairs bathroom which is right next to the bedroom. Hence, the black toilet. Looking at the results, I just gotta wonder why I wound up with a pile of turd-lettes and a single floating nugget. Strange.

Ok, so I was late on yesterday’s post. But this one makes up for it. Literally while I was writing the last post I had to take a dump. Less than 30 minutes after that nasty-ass Fluffy Dump, I droped this Lonely Log!

I haven’t really had enough time to think up anything else to write about. I will say it’s kinda strange how my ass could cook up such a fluffy brew and then thirty minutes later pop out such a well formed brown baton.

Above is the picture-perfect definition of the Fluffy Dump. Massive farts and gut-cramps usually signal that you’re poop-production line isn’t functioning efficiently. As you can see by the results, the turd firming team took the day off.

It is technically 12:55AM Thursday but I’m only now posting Wednesday’s, um, content. I spent the entire day ripping the most horrible stank-ass farts. I figured for sure I wouldn’t be waiting this long to make my post.

I’m sitting in the office at the H&R block with my girlfriend getting my 2004 and 2005 taxes done. Yeah, I’m a slack ass. My taxes were all jacked up b/c at the end of 2004 I moved from Atlanta, GA to San Diego, CA. Turns out the former Chief Financial Officer at our company fucked up and didn’t switch my payroll taxes to Cali until August of 2005.

Here’s a lesson everyone. If your girlfriend of five years is a 34 year old, raging alcoholic, under no circumstances should you hire her to work at your company. If it turns out she’s absolutely incapable of using computers because she refuses to be taught, do not send her to classes. For God’s sake, don’t send her to QuickBooks classes and then put her in charge of the books for your company!

So at the end of it all, it cost over $500 to do my taxes and I owe California $1398. Fucking bitch. Still, I think the $500 H&R block charged me was less the complications of my returns and more a “service fee” for having to do accounting work while being fumigated with my horrific farts. Poor fuckers, I would have charged $1000.