Good Morning. Well at least good morning to anyone in Asia. Most of you readers are probably enjoying your Sunday evening. Not me. It’s 8AM Monday morning over here. I’m heading into work. Sucks. What’s worse? Monday Night Football comes on Tuesday morning here.

So this is what I wake up to start my week with. Combo dump of Fluffy Dumps and Pop The Cork Dumps. As you can see this one is mostly cork but there’s some definite brown champagne at the end. The cork itself is very fluffy which if I take this anal analogy way to far is probably why there’s so little champagne. Since the “cork” didn’t make a great seal the “champagne” managed to “evaporate” out. Heh, yeah evaporate in the form of all that raunchy ass-gas I unintentionally blowing across my king size bed at my gf last night.

So yesterday I posted thanking my new friend Kay for nagging me to become active on this site. Because she’s Japanese this got me thinking about why so much of the world’s scat porn comes from Japan. I really know very little about Japan. I can’t even claim to have been there. I’ve been through Narita, Tokyo airport several times, but normally I say visiting a country’s airport doesn’t count as visiting the country.

Normally, I said. I have been able to learn some things about Japanese culture simply by frequenting their airport. First, I love Udon Noodles and the spicy dried red pepper powder stuff they put on the noodles. Next, a vast majority of Japanese women I’ve met (all except Kay) seem to be humanely incapable of speaking at volume levels above a whisper. Seriously, it’s SO annoying when I’m on these long flights back and forth from Manila. The “gringo” flight attendent comes on and does all the standard “no smoking, we’ll be serving you shitty food when we get airborne, no fucking in the bathroom” stuff while I’m trying to go to sleep. This takes five minutes. When that’s done the Japanese flight attendent comes on in this hushed little annoying sicky sweet whisper and yaps for FIFTEEN minutes. Anytime anything is said by the English-speaking flight attendent it has to be reapeated in Japanese and it takes THREE TIMES as long.

So the stereotype is that Japanese are very effecient. Maybe, but their language isn’t. Sentence in English: 1 minute. Same Sentence in Japanese: 4 minutes. Same Sentence in Spanish: 4.2 Seconds.

Back to the scat question. I don’t have a good answer yet. BUT, I do no something is up with this culture and how they interact w/ their ass and what comes out of their ass. The bathrooms in the Tokyo airport all have TWO types of toilettes: Western and Traditional. Check out “Traditional”:

What the hell is that? It’s literally just a porcelain plate that’s three inches below the floor. One end (on the left on this picture) has a small hole that water sprays out of WHEN you flush it (not before). The other end has a, um, “splatter guard” and hole with a very little bit of water in it.

Apparently you squat over this thing and drop your load. From what I’ve been able to find out about this Traditional Style Japanese Toilet, the theory is that squatting to the point that your asshole is even with your ankles is a more “natural” experience and results in a healthier body. Um, ok. One thing I know it results in is a horrible funk every time you use it. There’s no water to capture the poo and drown the shit funk bubbling up from within. Sadly, I haven’t had the relatively simple combination of A) the need to take a dump, B) been in Tokyo airport at the time, and C) had a camera on me. The pic above I snapped when I had B) and C) but try as I might I couldn’t conjure up A). Not to worry, my faithful girlfriend Shey came through for us with some hard-hitting investigative journalism:

Sadly the “C) had a camera” part was only the crappy camera built into her phone. Still think this pic does a pretty good job of showing what the aftermath of a Traditional Japanese Toilette episode looks like. Until you flush that thing you’ve got a turd on a tray. Yuck. Shey does report that it’s actually a very comfortable way to drop off the kids at the pool. My problem with it is there’s no pool.

So what does this say about Japanese people. Well, my thinking is they, much like me, prefer to inspect their droppings before sending them on their way. Most likely the thousands of years of “Eastern” medicine dictating that you can learn a lot about your state of health by giving your brown bombs a once-over. Could be, but I think it’s more than that. I think they’re proud of a good shit. Kay, my one Japanese friend, seems to fit into this category. What I still don’t get and will have to try and pick Kay’s brain on is where/how/when Japanese folk go from being proud of a good turd to getting a stiffy at the thought of smearing said turd over themselves. How could anyone be aroused by the thought of EATING shit? I just don’t get it. I will ask some questions and see if I can find the answers. But don’t expect me to go undercover. Fuck that shit!

Well, this is it, the dump that inspired me to get off my ass and start updating this site regularly again:

I even added a new category for this one: Up Periscope. Not sure if it’s the fact that toilets are smaller here in the Philippines or if my dumps have simply gotten larger. For some reason most of my shits lately have been peeking out over the top of the water.

So, yes, for anyone that actually reading this site and for myself, I owe some words of explanation regarding my absence. It’s been more than six months since I’ve posted. There are the easy excuses.

First, the LCD screen on my camera broke. It took me a month to get another one. Then I lost the replacement a month later. Fucking idiot. So for that bonehead move I procrastinated another two months before buying my THIRD Casio digital camera in one year. It’s probably the ghost of Tadao Kashio (founder of Casio) getting even with me for using his company’s fine technology to capture every intricate detail of the product of my bowel movements.

Next there’s my frustration with not being able to get this site looking exactly the way we want it. I know the basics of HTML and even some ASP (Miroslop’s scripting language) but I know just about dick on Unix servers and PHP (the free, easy competitor of ASP). I’m a perfectionist and it gets on my last nerve when I can’t get something to look or function the way I want it to. Of course, this is a pretty weak excuse for neglecting this site. I do run a company with dozens of programmers and designers at my disposal. Why didn’t I use them? Read on to the biggest and best reason I have for taking so long to get back to this fine site.

I run the SickSiteNetwork which is a network of entertainment websites that primarily focus on what’s now being called “viral content” which is simply all the pics, vids, audio files, text, and games that people email around to one another. With the help of my two partners in the business, I’ve built this thing into a company employing over seventy people, running eleven websites, and generating over 77,000,000 visits a month. I am responsible for running all this. I’m responsible for making sure we’ve got enough money to pay all these employees and that is the most important responsibility of my life. This company is my life. As such, I’ve neglected DailyDumps.com because it’s not as important to me as my company. Plain and simple.

So why am I finally posting again? What changed? Heh, try just about everything. For the past month and a half I’ve been engaged in moving my entire life (including my gf and my fifteen pound cat) from San Diego, CA to Manila, Philippines. It’s been a hell of an adventure. Because I landed a SUPER-sweet condo here in Manila (I’ll post pix soon) which is fully furnished I decided to sell all my shit. Literally EVERYTHING. I sold my car, my motorcycle, all my furniture, everything. It was time consuming but turned out to be very easy. I put a quick site together (www.movingtomanila.com) and listed all my shit on craigslist with links to the site. Why did I move to Manila? Well of those seventy plus people working for my company, only like 3 of them are in the USA. Everyone else is over here. For the last two years I’ve been running my company remotely over IM and email with a sixteen hour time difference. Every year I’d make four to six trips over to Manila and spend roughly five to six months out of the year here. The travel was KILLING me! It’s pretty much a 24 hour trip each way with layovers and airport security. Also I wasn’t a very effective head honcho because of the time difference, the challenge of communicating effectively, and the time gobbled up by travel and recovery from all manner of sickness picked up in Manila (no STD, but food regular food poisoning and flu).

So yeah, I’ve finished my huge move and gotten caught up. Honestly I’ve never been happier. I’ve got the woman I love living with me here. I’ve got my morbidly obese cat here. I wake up every morning to my assistant handing me Starbucks, shower in my bedroom sized bathroom, and walk one block to my office. I wrote a killer article about how incredibly spoiled I’m getting living over here for our www.weeklywipe.com email newsletter. You can scope it out here; it really is a good read.

The one thing I did do during my six month hiatus from poop-posting was continue to take pictures (when I had a camera) of my most worthy productions. So to make up for being gone so long I’ll be posting two or three dumps every time I make a post. Since, I make the new Up Periscope category how about a couple of great examples?

To prep for getting going on posting again I went through ALL my pictures, going back years. I found this little jewel in some pix from when I was living in Atlanta, before I moved to San Diego, before I moved to Manila. I’m kinda bummed that the “tail” of this fucker fell back into the bowl. If it hadn’t it would have been a solid six inches above the waterline which would probably be a record. What’s with the three little nuggets that make like a perfect triangle?

And here’s another one from the golden-oldies section. I actually birthed this baby three years ago! Not as impressive as the others but still it breaks above the water which is the minimum requirement to make it into the Up Periscope category.

Aight, so this is the most time I’ve spent posting in six months so I’m kinda worn out. Before I call it day I want to thank someone, tell you about another site I’ll be starting this month, and let you know what improvements to expect for DailyDumps.com over the next few weeks. First up, I want to thank a new friend we’ve made here in Manila. Her name is Kay and she’s dating a buddy of mine here. My buddy mentioned that I ran a site all about my poo and turns out she loves the site. Course I shouldn’t have been too surprised, she’s from Japan. Heh, sorry Kay but Japanese and Germans have a very, um, “playful” attitude toward turds. Scat anyone? Regardless, she’s a cool chick, she’s a fan of this site, and she’s been nagging me to update. It probably would have taken me another month to get going again if it wasn’t for her encouragement so much love to ya Kay!

This is a pic from a killer wine-tasting event we went to here in Manila. On the left is my gf Shey. On the right is Kay. In the middle is Rachelle who’s from Hawaii and we met through Kay.

So since I am here with all my programmers and designers I’m finally going to get them to do some work for me on the side (and yes, pay them extra). I’ll finally get up and running www.straightcurve.com which will by my main personal site and will most likely center on showing off pix of all the craziness that happens over here (hookers, parties, running gunfights in the streets, strange cultural stuff I run into). For DailyDumps.com I’ll get the layout looking right throughout the site and get automated submissions up and running. Heh, you fuckers will get to share your dumps! So that’s it, I feel I’ve repented properly for ignoring this site for so long!