Good Morning. Well at least good morning to anyone in Asia. Most of you readers are probably enjoying your Sunday evening. Not me. It’s 8AM Monday morning over here. I’m heading into work. Sucks. What’s worse? Monday Night Football comes on Tuesday morning here.

So this is what I wake up to start my week with. Combo dump of Fluffy Dumps and Pop The Cork Dumps. As you can see this one is mostly cork but there’s some definite brown champagne at the end. The cork itself is very fluffy which if I take this anal analogy way to far is probably why there’s so little champagne. Since the “cork” didn’t make a great seal the “champagne” managed to “evaporate” out. Heh, yeah evaporate in the form of all that raunchy ass-gas I unintentionally blowing across my king size bed at my gf last night.

So yesterday I posted thanking my new friend Kay for nagging me to become active on this site. Because she’s Japanese this got me thinking about why so much of the world’s scat porn comes from Japan. I really know very little about Japan. I can’t even claim to have been there. I’ve been through Narita, Tokyo airport several times, but normally I say visiting a country’s airport doesn’t count as visiting the country.

Normally, I said. I have been able to learn some things about Japanese culture simply by frequenting their airport. First, I love Udon Noodles and the spicy dried red pepper powder stuff they put on the noodles. Next, a vast majority of Japanese women I’ve met (all except Kay) seem to be humanely incapable of speaking at volume levels above a whisper. Seriously, it’s SO annoying when I’m on these long flights back and forth from Manila. The “gringo” flight attendent comes on and does all the standard “no smoking, we’ll be serving you shitty food when we get airborne, no fucking in the bathroom” stuff while I’m trying to go to sleep. This takes five minutes. When that’s done the Japanese flight attendent comes on in this hushed little annoying sicky sweet whisper and yaps for FIFTEEN minutes. Anytime anything is said by the English-speaking flight attendent it has to be reapeated in Japanese and it takes THREE TIMES as long.

So the stereotype is that Japanese are very effecient. Maybe, but their language isn’t. Sentence in English: 1 minute. Same Sentence in Japanese: 4 minutes. Same Sentence in Spanish: 4.2 Seconds.

Back to the scat question. I don’t have a good answer yet. BUT, I do no something is up with this culture and how they interact w/ their ass and what comes out of their ass. The bathrooms in the Tokyo airport all have TWO types of toilettes: Western and Traditional. Check out “Traditional”:

What the hell is that? It’s literally just a porcelain plate that’s three inches below the floor. One end (on the left on this picture) has a small hole that water sprays out of WHEN you flush it (not before). The other end has a, um, “splatter guard” and hole with a very little bit of water in it.

Apparently you squat over this thing and drop your load. From what I’ve been able to find out about this Traditional Style Japanese Toilet, the theory is that squatting to the point that your asshole is even with your ankles is a more “natural” experience and results in a healthier body. Um, ok. One thing I know it results in is a horrible funk every time you use it. There’s no water to capture the poo and drown the shit funk bubbling up from within. Sadly, I haven’t had the relatively simple combination of A) the need to take a dump, B) been in Tokyo airport at the time, and C) had a camera on me. The pic above I snapped when I had B) and C) but try as I might I couldn’t conjure up A). Not to worry, my faithful girlfriend Shey came through for us with some hard-hitting investigative journalism:

Sadly the “C) had a camera” part was only the crappy camera built into her phone. Still think this pic does a pretty good job of showing what the aftermath of a Traditional Japanese Toilette episode looks like. Until you flush that thing you’ve got a turd on a tray. Yuck. Shey does report that it’s actually a very comfortable way to drop off the kids at the pool. My problem with it is there’s no pool.

So what does this say about Japanese people. Well, my thinking is they, much like me, prefer to inspect their droppings before sending them on their way. Most likely the thousands of years of “Eastern” medicine dictating that you can learn a lot about your state of health by giving your brown bombs a once-over. Could be, but I think it’s more than that. I think they’re proud of a good shit. Kay, my one Japanese friend, seems to fit into this category. What I still don’t get and will have to try and pick Kay’s brain on is where/how/when Japanese folk go from being proud of a good turd to getting a stiffy at the thought of smearing said turd over themselves. How could anyone be aroused by the thought of EATING shit? I just don’t get it. I will ask some questions and see if I can find the answers. But don’t expect me to go undercover. Fuck that shit!

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 26th, 2006 at 7:27 pm and is filed under Hangover Dumps, Pop The Cork Dumps. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.