So I sit here in my condo and relish the aircon (local parlance for A.C. / Air-Conditioning). I enjoy the fact that I have electricity to run my laptop, TV, x-box, etc. I enjoy that the elevator works. I enjoy that I’m not running around mopping up leaks in the ceiling. I enjoy running water (even if it is never safe to drink, at least the toilets work). Why do I bother to take notice and enjoyment from these everyday basics of civilized life? I’m fairly certain all of this will be gone for 3-4 days in roughly three hours. Welcome to the Philippines and Typhoon season. For you white-skinned devils that know nothing of Asia, Typhoons are hurricanes. Manila is like the Midwest “tornado alley” in the USA except that instead of lots of tornadoes we get lots of hurricanes. Typhoon Durian is on my doorstep.

I grew up in the south-east US and I know hurricanes. In college we had a Fran-Jam all night party for Hurricane Fran. We partied all night because no one could leave. Trees were falling on cars in the parking lot. By the next morning everything was flooded and semblance of a car on the road was the set of police lights just poking above the water. I assumed they were still attached to a police cruiser completely under water. A few months ago I was here in Manila for a typhoon and it made Fran look like a slight thunderstorm.

Apparently my ass is afraid things will devolve into total chaos and I’ll have to go out ass-guns-a-blazin’ to forage for food and water. I think that’s why I’ve been blessed with Machine Gun Dumps as of late. These dumps really do suck. There’s no relaxing and contemplating how much of your balls you can shave before you’re gay. Just the sack? What about the taint? If I got lazy and got my balls waxed would that make me a flaming fag? Nope, no putting thought into important matters. Instead I’m forced to hold onto the seat for dear life as the shit nuggets explode out with great force.

Since I’m probably going to be offline for a while I’ll dig into the dump archives and give you a couple more great examples of Machine Gun Dumps:

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