I love hacking things. I’m not a hacker and I don’t hack my electronics for the “joy” of making them do things they weren’t intended to do. I do, on the other hand, love figuring out how to hack stuff to make it more useful. I hacked my XBox like four years ago and it’s still the best media player tool for the living room. It’s the center of my entertainment center and I use it to listen to music, watch all the TV episodes I download from torrents, and even run slideshows of pix when friends are over partying. I bought a PSP when they came out, promptly hacked it and had FINALLY fucking Gannon’s bitch-ass on Legend of Zelda on a NES emulator.

So when the iPhone came out you might think I jumped at the chance to buy one and tweak it out. Nope. I’ve never been a mac guy but I understood the draw until the iPhone came out. With the iPhone, Apple did exactly what their fanboys bitch that MS does: sold out. They forced you to use AT&T just to get the damn thing to work and they only did it to make more money. It was stupid decision. If they kept it open and unlocked they would have sold ten times as many. Anyway, I didn’t buy one because i FUCKING HATE the idea of having to hack something JUST to make it work as it’s supposed to. The iPhone is supposed to be a PHONE. But I would have to hack the damn thing to be able to use it here in the Philippines where I live. Bullshit.

But eventually I caved in. My woman was dying for one and I knew if I got her one I’d hate not having one to play with so I did get it. As I expected it took me all of ten minutes of searching to find ZiPhone.org which has an AWESOME, free, one-click application to jailbreak (new term for unlocking) your iPhone. I can’t recommend this tool highly enough! Better yet the tool installs an app called “Installer” which has constantly updated flow of applications created by the hacker community. Some of them are fun, some of them are incredibly useful. A couple months in now I am blown away and what a GREAT fucking opportunity Apple BLEW on the iPhone. This thing is such an immensely configurable and useful tool but ONLY for the folks who have the know-how to hack them. If ANYONE could do this to their iPhone there would be 10 times more people developing for it and literally 9 out of 10 people would have one in their back pocket. Ok, enough ranting.

So I’m constantly installing new apps and trying them out. Finally after several months I thought last night I had “bricked” my iPhone. I installed a new app, restarted, and the phone never properly booted up. I knew I’d have to do the restore back to factory settings which means I’d lose all my configured apps Fucking lame. That’s what I hated about Windows Mobile phones: constantly having to reset/reformat/reinstall (you know, just like a windows computer). Now ONLY because APPLE is greedy I’d have to do the same fucking thing on the iPhone. If they weren’t greedy fucks their backup utility would have saved all my 3rd party apps. Fucking fucks! But where things got really scary was when the restore failed. FUCK. That meant i had a $400 paperweight because Apple has made it clear that if you don’t have an AT&T account and/or if you hacked your shit, you’re on your own. Now I got lucky. On the third attempt to restore it worked and I was able to get my phone working again.

Moral of the story: fuck Apple. When I first got the iPhone I was so impressed I started looking at Apple laptops for my next system. Now that I’ve had a iPhone brick scare I realize it’s not worth it. I alrady support one company who will fuck the user for an extra buck (Microsoft – FUCK VISTA ASSHOLES) and that’s enough. Apple you blew your chance so I will know graphically show you what I think of your company:

I don’t know what’s been going on with my body lately but something hasn’t been right. Until today it had been over a week since I dropped a nice normal loaf. Could be I’ve been working too much. Could be the weekly drunken whore mongering. Could be all the funky Filipino food I’ve been eating. Whatever it was it has FINALLY passed (heh, literally):

Now that I’m back to “normal” I get to focus on getting shit done instead of what kind of shitting I’m doing. Been helping my woman get her free hentai porn blog up and running over at ToonBang.com. Also I’m stoked that we got a huge honkin Publisher on our Free Ad Rotation Solution: www.efukt.com is up on MadisonAvenue.com!

K, now that I’ve added an SEO optimized post plugging all my shit, heh, I’ll give back to you readers. I’m gonna be so busy in the next couple weeks not sure how much I’ll be able to post. That said I’ve got another addition to the DailyDumps.com team. Buddy of mine named Brian who lives over here in Manila, is from Seattle, and is a truly sick fuck will start posting soon!

UPDATE – 6 Hours Later:

Damn guess it wasn’t to last long:

Ok, first, Jason, in response to your last post, that dump should clearly fall under Fluffy Dumps. Now, on to the Dutch Dump.

So many many moons ago when I first started DailyDumps.com I hit up everyone I knew telling them I wanted folks to help post AND to submit their, um, content. Sadly no one ever submitted. Of course I’ve got plenty of pix of my poo because I’m a sick bastard. Still, I thought it would be nice to have folks submit content. Well now that I restarted posting I’m not so sure. Yes, Jason helping out and posting is great. But having to write a post about someone else’s shit, well, hmmm. Case in point: got a good buddy of mine who we hung out with Friday night and he was ranting about this horrible dump he took. He didn’t know I’d started DD back up but someone pointed it out to him so of course he sent me the pix:

At first I didn’t know if this was a joke. Maybe he was just mooning me / giving me the brown eye, just to fuck with me. But in the spirit of true journalism I “dug deeper” and took a closer look. Sure enough, there’s a shitlet / dingleberry hanging at the bottom of his ass crack. This is why I’m not so sure about taking submitted pix. I found myself closely analyzing a pick of a dude’s ass. Esh. Oh, but not to worry, it gets worse:

Seriously, come on. Is this pick about the dick or the dump? Why ruin a pick of what had the potential to be a truly disgusting dump by blocking everything with your cock? It’s not dailycocks.com, heh. That said, he was quite proud to point out that toilets here in the Philippines apparently aren’t made for the more well endowed: “u see how my cock almost hangs into my own piss and shit? manila toilets arent made for the well hung gents”. Lovely. At least the rest of the pix he sent move from homophobic realm to the land of disgusting which I’m much more comfortable with:

Ok, ignore the “brain” and you can see prolly your best shot of the dump. Sorry but this is a LOT of cock and balls to put up with to see some poo! Hey, maybe our gay traffic will go up. No problem with that, it’s the best converting / easiest to monetize traffic. Gay dudes got $$$$, no problem buying porn, and rarely any kids to spend their bucks on. Anyway, back to the poo. Much like Eric Cartman from South Park it seems my friend wanted to do a few artistic shots of his dingleberry:

How, um artistic.

So where does this leave us? I’m going home to screw the hell out of my woman to reaffirm my heterosexuality. Further, I’ve now decided I’m not going to accept submissions of just pix. You want to submit some pix, you gotta write the article to go with it!

Last night I decided to go check out the new Iron Man movie, in celebration of the re-launching of this wondrous shithole site. You see, as a child my favorite superhero just so happened to be the armored Avenger. Now obviously the many booze-soaked and drug-laced years of college have clouded my memory enough that I can’t remember why I liked Iron Man. I don’t know; maybe I somehow desired to be a rich alcoholic. If that’s the case, though, it looks like I’m halfway there.

Anyway, it’s a Thursday night, and I’m going to see a recently-released movie in Plano, Texas. Shall I hop over to the Cinemark down the road, amidst the flurry of raucous kids, unhindered by their parents’ watchful eyes? My movie going experience ruined by some little shits who’re more concerned with impressing their faggot friends than watching a film that cost $135 million dollars to make? Yeah, fuck that. There’s only one place I go to these days when I can’t wait to see a movie at home, the Studio Movie Grill. Frankly, I’ve noticed people have a tendency to behave themselves more when they’re shelling out more money for the theater experience. Also I generally buy a bucket of Coronas for myself, and after a couple of those bad boys I could care less about my noisy surroundings.

So there I was, the aforementioned beer before me, coupled with a plate of hot wings, potato skins, and hot buttered popcorn, and the film begins. I will say this, if you’re looking for anything other than nostalgic fun, you’re going to find yourself sorely disappointed in this movie. It’s merely a thrill-a-minute CG-fest with some well-executed comedy by Robert Downey, Jr. (who still looks like he might dabble in sucking his coke dealer off.) And the idea of getting Jeff Daniels to play the bad guy was brilliant, since I can’t stand the guy. Well, except for The Big Lebowski. Oh, and Tron. Okay, maybe I DO like the guy, but he still sounds like he’s got a mouth full of shit when he talks.

I will say this, be sure you stick around for after the credits. I suggest you kick yourself if you don’t.

The next morning I awoke with that old familiar feeling. I don’t know why I get the occasional sliver-shits. Perhaps it’s somewhere between a healthy, solid dump and hangover shits. All I know is my brown kisser’s doing a little Jap-eye action or something. But that nasty motherfucker Marc insists I document these daily ass-foibles, so here it goes. I guess the REAL question is, how do you categorize something like this?

Regrets (and potato skins,) I’ve had a few…

So a couple weeks ago my friends Rick and Ryan came into town.  We went up to Angeles to play some golf.  For a 3rd world country the fuckchops running the course were SO FUCKING full of themselves.  First they charged $175 per person to play.  I’ve got employees here I pay less than that for a full month!  Then after ass-raping us for that much money they get pissy about the fact that I don’t have socks.  They say I have to buy socks from them.  I’m like “after $175 I’ll wear whatever the fuck I want”.  I eventually put two shopping bags on my feet and stuff them in my shoes.

So we start off pissed off.  I then make the grave mistake of admitting to Rick that I’d never shot-gunned a beer before.  From that point forward we’re shotgunning after EVERY whole.  Here’s the results:

I particularly like the spray of piss.  Heh.  Somehow I wound up with a hangover turd sandwiched between a normal/healthy turd: