Damn, last weekend was rough! First I worked nights all week so my schedule was all fooked. Then my friend Ash had a “surprise” birthday party Saturday night. It was at our old condo (pix at www.marcwomack.com) where I hadn’t been since we moved into our new place. I’d forgotten what a perfect party pad that place was. Huge, open layout, 3rd bedroom setup as the ultimate game room with full size pool table and custom built bar. I should know, I had the bar built for me. It was very cool to hang out there and party and NOT feel responsible to make sure everyone was having fun. Call me selfish. Of course it also rocked that some chick named Sherry who had a serious set of Chesticles decided after a couple drinks that she was bi-sexual and that my chick was the best thing since sliced bread! So yeah, the party lasted long into the morning. The results in the bowl prove it:

Heh, notice my dog Stanley scoping out the work in one of the pix!

Also, heads up that we finally got the full redesign to Shey’s ToonBang Free Anime Porn Site up and running! it’s all free, it’s all great content, and you might even see Jessica Rabbit Getting Boned! In other news, wanted to thank the guys over @ WTFPeople.com. They’re the first large site ever to throw us a link! Much appreciated and if anyone wants to scope out some bizarre sex head over there!

*I got a message from Marc this morning saying he was too pooped to, well, POOP, so he asked me to thrill your minds in his stead.*

Happy Mondays, shitheads! I was looking through my Yahoo! account this morning, and noticed I’d been receiving a newsletter from PETA that I hadn’t noticed before. Mind you, I’m in no way, shape or form such a sissified fuck that I would place an animal on a golden pedestal over a human being. I love animals, but it is in my inherent nature to eat flesh. At least I can safely assume this due to my experience that veggie burgers taste like pegboard and soymilk tastes like fucking chalk. And soydogs? Well, I don’t know what their taste is similar to, but it sure as hell ain’t meat.

Back before I became the beer, sex, and comedy aficionado over at Revenge World, I used to write for a then-fledgling pop-culture site. Now, prior to this assignment I’d never given one shit about the daily goings-on of Hollywood’s vivacious locals. However, you have to know your subjects well before you can successfully ridicule them. For instance, I could easily go off and say something crass like, “Paris Hilton’s vagina drips acid,” and have no lucid proof to back that statement up. But after reading enough Page 6, as well as numerous pop-culture and paparazzi sites scattered across the virtual ether, I can safely say the reason her gunch drips acid is because of lizard herpes.

Okay, what the hell was my point?

Oh yeah, the rich Hollywood faggots over at PETA. I most likely subscribed to their newsletter because they have a tendency to bitch and moan about some of the most banal shit in existence. For instance, recently a whistleblower on the set of Speed Racer told PETA that the live chimpanzee they acquired to play the role of Chim-Chim was beaten on set. Number one, PETA whined about them using a live animal on SR’s set already, so I wouldn’t put it past those motherfuckers if they lied just to garner the attention of symPATHETIC people to their cause. Secondly, it’s not a secret that the older a chimp gets, the more its primitive instincts kick in. So if you want to make sure no innocent bystanders get their arms ripped off, you might want to open a little can of whoop-monkey once the little fucker starts getting agitated every now and then. Of course, afterwards give it a cigarette or a shot of bourbon. That’s ALWAYS fun to watch. Haha, it’s doing human stuff!

So, in lieu of the sheer dumbfucktitude of you ass-sniffers over at PETA, this deuce is for you:

Wow. That’s pretty fucking pathetic. The sad part is, it took me nearly fifteen minutes to get that baby turtle-looking thing out of my ass. Thought I was going to blow a gasket. I took a pretty healthy shit this morning, but I forgot to take a picture of it. I guess I haven’t wrapped the idea of chronicling my rectal outtakes around my head.

I’ll try harder next time…

Well, we finally got around to upgrading to the latest version of WordPress.  Now we can install plugins and other cool new functionality.  You’ll notice the Share links below each post now.  Please do use them!  Everyone on Facebook needs a good dump posted in their Wall!  Think of it as virtual “Upper Decker”.

One of the new tools I’m really stoked about is the NextGEN gallery tool which will allow us to post thumbnail galleries.  I get a lot of feedback from friends that they dig my writing but don’t want to be forced to look at my poo.  Yes, I have very strange friends, heh.  So now with this new tool we can post more poo but make it less in-your-face.

So after my last post about my iPhone I was thinking about the pix on it (which I did manage to save before reformatting).  I only had a few “keepers” but I figured I’d post them.  Here we have the fruits of today’s modern technology: mobile poo!  Now thanks to decent quality cameras in phones you can always capture that special log!

Well, this is an interesting predicament. Although I’m not entirely obligated to provide a picture of my daily toilet-droppings along with a blog, in order to maintain the theme of this blessed site I feel compelled to do such a thing. And here I sit -with 2 days of constipation building up- in relative misery. It’s almost as though I can feel the coming rush of ass-vomit being blocked by a giant nugget with the consistency of charcoal. Sooner or later (hopefully,) I’m certain to let loose a flurry of cascading-and-seemingly-endless shit lava. In the meantime, my stomach is bloating out like a fucking 8-year-old Ethiopian kid. I’ve ingested so much Pepto and greasy food I’m almost worried when this explosion will take place. And trust me, there will be an explosion.

Surely it can’t be stage fright, can it? I mean, my hobby as an avid beer enthusiast means I generally make two trips to the toilet on a daily basis. And I’ve been involved in one way or another with Marc’s online operations for a good three years now, so my pride and humility is damn-near nonexistent.

At any rate, you can rest your laurels on the fact that I’ll at least have my trusty iPhone camera ready to snap a shot of the disgusting mess that’s left behind. I’d take one of my other digital cameras with me, but my current day job has confidentiality issues. Also I’m hesitant to wonder what the hell my colleagues will think when they hear me making obvious snapshot noises in the stall (they already think I’m weird enough as it is.) But I have faith that my phone’s camera will catch the corny details of the soupy mix I create in the commode. After all, I’ve taken other pics with it that have come out rather decent-like.

Here’s a pic I took in my backyard of an ominous cloud formation before a very heavy storm that rolled through a month ago. I guess God decided to teabag North Texas that day:

And here’s an adorable photo of my new puppy, Maria Conchita Alonzo (fuck off, I’m not Mexican:)

She’s a little shit when she’s not sleeping. I guess that counts for the theme of this blog, right Marc?

I love hacking things. I’m not a hacker and I don’t hack my electronics for the “joy” of making them do things they weren’t intended to do. I do, on the other hand, love figuring out how to hack stuff to make it more useful. I hacked my XBox like four years ago and it’s still the best media player tool for the living room. It’s the center of my entertainment center and I use it to listen to music, watch all the TV episodes I download from torrents, and even run slideshows of pix when friends are over partying. I bought a PSP when they came out, promptly hacked it and had FINALLY fucking Gannon’s bitch-ass on Legend of Zelda on a NES emulator.

So when the iPhone came out you might think I jumped at the chance to buy one and tweak it out. Nope. I’ve never been a mac guy but I understood the draw until the iPhone came out. With the iPhone, Apple did exactly what their fanboys bitch that MS does: sold out. They forced you to use AT&T just to get the damn thing to work and they only did it to make more money. It was stupid decision. If they kept it open and unlocked they would have sold ten times as many. Anyway, I didn’t buy one because i FUCKING HATE the idea of having to hack something JUST to make it work as it’s supposed to. The iPhone is supposed to be a PHONE. But I would have to hack the damn thing to be able to use it here in the Philippines where I live. Bullshit.

But eventually I caved in. My woman was dying for one and I knew if I got her one I’d hate not having one to play with so I did get it. As I expected it took me all of ten minutes of searching to find ZiPhone.org which has an AWESOME, free, one-click application to jailbreak (new term for unlocking) your iPhone. I can’t recommend this tool highly enough! Better yet the tool installs an app called “Installer” which has constantly updated flow of applications created by the hacker community. Some of them are fun, some of them are incredibly useful. A couple months in now I am blown away and what a GREAT fucking opportunity Apple BLEW on the iPhone. This thing is such an immensely configurable and useful tool but ONLY for the folks who have the know-how to hack them. If ANYONE could do this to their iPhone there would be 10 times more people developing for it and literally 9 out of 10 people would have one in their back pocket. Ok, enough ranting.

So I’m constantly installing new apps and trying them out. Finally after several months I thought last night I had “bricked” my iPhone. I installed a new app, restarted, and the phone never properly booted up. I knew I’d have to do the restore back to factory settings which means I’d lose all my configured apps Fucking lame. That’s what I hated about Windows Mobile phones: constantly having to reset/reformat/reinstall (you know, just like a windows computer). Now ONLY because APPLE is greedy I’d have to do the same fucking thing on the iPhone. If they weren’t greedy fucks their backup utility would have saved all my 3rd party apps. Fucking fucks! But where things got really scary was when the restore failed. FUCK. That meant i had a $400 paperweight because Apple has made it clear that if you don’t have an AT&T account and/or if you hacked your shit, you’re on your own. Now I got lucky. On the third attempt to restore it worked and I was able to get my phone working again.

Moral of the story: fuck Apple. When I first got the iPhone I was so impressed I started looking at Apple laptops for my next system. Now that I’ve had a iPhone brick scare I realize it’s not worth it. I alrady support one company who will fuck the user for an extra buck (Microsoft – FUCK VISTA ASSHOLES) and that’s enough. Apple you blew your chance so I will know graphically show you what I think of your company: